Simple pain

Hey Dear Guys...
   I gave the title Simple pain because I feel it. Simply - pain. In the recenty months, exactly, from September, I've been waiting. Waiting for God's help. And of course it's there. I'll write about this help but now I'd like to write about this simple pain. So, I've been waiting. In the first part of this waiting I was rebellous, I think. I mean, as far as I remember, I was angry because of my difficulties, I felt they really hurt me, I spoke about this hurt to a lot of people (of course not with everyone who I meet). And then, I became tired. Exhausted. - because I can't carry my difficulties. I know some people think I don't have too much difficulties. But it's not true. I mean, everyone think that his/her difficulties are huge, I think. And I keep it too. I feel my difficulties very hard. I don't feel the other people' difficulties very hard, because I don't have to cope with them every day. But of course I think these problems are the hardest for them. So everyone has got problems. 
     So, the problems. I feel in my chest obtuse press. The problems. Some months ago, I could cry. Now, it's hard. Sometimes I feel I can't cry. I can't cope with my difficulties. I confess/admit (I don't know what's the correct word for it) it. But it's not bad - God can.
     Simple pain. After the months I feel I'm fed up with fighting against my difficulties and carrying them. I simply feel that these problems cause press on me. Even physically.
     I rarely feel that people don't understand me. I felt myself sometimes mute - mute because I felt I couldn't speak about the problems.
     I know that after a while I would be satisfied because God will help me. But I would like to be honest, so I say it's hard now. I would like to shoot my feelings. They're deeply in my heart. Maybe I hid them. I don't want to hid them before Him. Recently, I've spoken to Him about the difficulties a lot, open-heartedly. It was good. 
     Dreams. Desires. Pains. Everything what I have, I want them to be God's ownerships. Why? I can't cope with them. Secondly, I know that God wants the best for me. I realised it. I feel it. I know it. I experienced it... So I know that my life is in the best place in God's hands. It's hard to put the DREAMS, the DESIRES into God's hands... but if I don't do it, after a while they would be pressures in my life, not pleasures....

I encourage You to do the same. Put everything into God's hands. I know I've already written about it a lot. I do it because recently I've been dealing with it a lot of times. 
It's an advice. 

Love You Guys,
Tündi